 |
| "We have been crucified with Christ. We no longer live, but Christ lives in us." Galatians 2:20 |
The music had stopped but I had not. I stood up on that
church pew playing my air guitar swaying from side to side. I remember my mom
giving me the side-eye in a failed attempt to discourage my dancing during
mass. I guess since I was a kid I felt the rhythm of music flowing through me,
if there was music playing I was dancing. As a young child I felt most connected
to God through the hymns we would sing during mass.
My most memorable memory as a teenager was attending catholic
youth conferences and to this day I credit those weekends for keeping me aware
of God’s greatness. I remember being bored as a child and as teenager at
church. Sometimes it was hard to keep my eyes open, even as I got older, which
made me feel guilty. I think about my mom and her relationship with God and it’s
a wonderful one and that’s exactly what I want for myself, but I never felt I
could find that in the Catholic Church.
Every gesture and proclamation were second nature to me. I
was just going through the motions. My words had no meaning behind them. I was
just reciting what I had been taught from a very young age. I wasn't certain of
much but I knew there was something more than what I was experiencing. I
remember yearning to connect with God on a greater level, but I didn't know
how.
I couldn't identify
myself as a catholic and if there was a time I felt it in my bones it was my
senior year of high school and so my search began. The hardest part of making
up my mind was knowing my family would have some reservations about my
decision, as they should. What my mom and dad think will always matter and I
will always take their opinion into account. However, this time my decision was
made and I wasn't looking back.
I will never forget the moment one of my dearest friends of
ten years now invited me to her church and after a week or so I felt at home.
For the first time I was opening up my bible not because I had too, but because
I wanted too. The stories from the bible were being applied to my life and things
began to make sense. The almighty unreachable became available at arm’s length
and my desire to better my relationship with him grew. I began to learn about
his mercy, love and favor.
I began to understand that I’m able and equipped because of
him. It is him who breathes life into me every single day. It is him who calls
me worthy. He loves me so much he refuses to leave me the same so day after day
he changes my heart to be more like his. It is him who taught me to let go of
things and people because his plan will always be a million times better than
mine. It is him who gives me peace through whatever circumstance I may face. It
is him who turns my mountains into valleys and it is because of him I can walk
in victory.
It’s been five years since I started my journey and in these
five years I've learned more about who God is in my life, then ever before. In
this journey I've realized it’s not about religion, but rather our relationship
with him. God wants us to seek him in every aspect of our lives. We can call on
him to guide us through important life decisions as well as minuscule tasks such
as what should I tackle first on my to-do list. It sounds silly but it’s so
true.
In him I’m set free and that’s concept I never really understood. I
always thought, “How can I be free?” If I’m giving up the things I want do, but
the truth is the closer you become to God and the more your relationship grows,
the more he will change your heart, thus changing your desires.
I feel so incredibly humble to know who the man upstairs is
and what he can in do in my life. I encourage you not stay somewhere because of tradition. Don't stay because somewhere because of what your loved ones might think or say. I can proudly
say that my parents support me 100% because they have seen my faith grow, and
no they are not planning on joining me anytime soon, but they respect me for it. What I know for
sure is that this is the most important relationship I've ever had and ever
will have. In this relationship I will continue to invest in fearlessly and recklessly.
Embrace the Journey.
XO
-J
